By Stephen Klimlis, Law/Science (Advanced) II
I have recently been told that med students are higher than their law studying counterparts on the alcohol drinking scale. Apparently, they have a high work load and subsequently they stress a lot. I mean who would have thought? However, what ever happened to all the law students routinely yelling ‘DRAAAAANKS’ at the Roundhouse, during the 1-2pm break? I thought it would be impossible for any other faculty to out stress us and/or out drink us…
So that I could cope with my ears being filled with such propaganda, I needed to start a new trending rumour to bring us back into the fold: that law students not only drink the most alcohol (I refute any med student self proclamation) but also drink the most coffee and subsequently work the hardest. The law student in its natural habitat is a very curious thing; boasting about how many cups of coffee it has had to drink and revelling in the ecstasy that is the illusion of progress. As law students we find it difficult to not exaggerate how much coffee we have actually had to drink (I definitely can’t be the only one). The number we tell others has evolved to be proportional to the progress we’ve made in our case readings and most importantly which law firm we make it into. I mean, how else would we get into Freehills? Clearly with a minimum of three caramel macchiato’s a day.
Dropping my sarcasm to defend the little dignity that the typical law student has left (after Law Camp); caffeine undeniably keeps us awake to catch up on all that lost time begging for Instagram likes on our ‘Bondi Beach featuring a sneaky freshly squeezed juice’ photo. The latter shows signs of psychosis. To prove this, I’ll present you with some hardcore engineering-esque mathematics. If a law student purchases four latte’s a day, five days a week, they spend roughly eighty dollars a week. That’s one grand a semester. Just. On. Coffee. What’s that I hear? Free law textbooks? Actually, no, that’s just the sound of my imaginary Bugatti spontaneously combusting -because let’s be realistic, nobody is going to stop drinking coffee.
While the symbiosis of law students and coffee is definitely a tempting topic to discuss for hours on end, I probably should spend more time giving thought to the affairs of my exciting life. For now I would definitely say that law students drink the most coffee and subsequently and irrefutably work the hardest out of all the other faculties. Spread it around.
P.S. Make sure you recycle those cups of coffee, as one thing I’ve learnt as a Science/Law student is that you don’t make enemies with Bondi Hipster quasi-environmentalists and come out absent social humiliation.